Private Eye

("My day as a 1950's private eye" would have been better if the ending wasn't deleted by stupid early myspace. Originaly posted Dec. 11, 2005)

The horrid buzzing of my alarm clock reverberated in my skull like a gorrilla playing drums in a jazz band with a sledge hammer. At once I was no longer on the beach in bermuda with a dozen super models, but back in the tiny one room apartment I calle home.

The sun filterd thru the blinds hitting me square in the face. I could tell it was already late in the day. That demon of an alarm clock told me that it was 11:00 already. "alright, time ta drag yer ass outa bed. The bills ain't gonna pay themselves." I thought as I half crawled, half rolled out of bed and onto the floor. The shower was frigid, just the way I likes it, gets the blood flowing.

I threw on my uniform and did a quick glance into the fridge. I hoped some miracle had happend last night and food magicaly appeard in it. No such luck, figures...

Dave and Matt were in the living room talking about things that I wouldn't give a rats ass to know about. Matt was an honest cop in a bad town. Guy never took a dirty cent, that made some of the other guys on the force a little nervous, but I knew he ain't no squeeler. Dave on the other hand had his fingers in so many pies in this town you'd wonder how he ever managed to wash up at night. (ok, Matt and Dave's description was totaly a lie, but it sounded cool!)

They didn't pay much notice to a boozed out P.I. like me, just an acknowledging nod. I stumbled down the steps and out the door. The sun instantly blinded me, I swear sometimes I think that thing is try'n ta kill me. After a second I could see again... and the sight I saw made me wish I had still been blind. there I was stairing down the working end of a colt .45. The hammer cocked back.... and today started off so well....

TO BE CONTINUED....

Part 2 (see above)

(Part 2, Originaly posted Dec. 15, 2005)

Ok, so this F&$'G NO GOOD BRAINLESS DICKLESS HARTLESS HOPLESS PIECE OF MONKEY S^$& DELL BUILT EXCUSE FOR A COMPUTER DELETED MY ORIGINAL BLOG. So I'm just gonna conclude this sucka how I see fit

I grabbed the gun and shot the guy (Who for time constrainsts shall remain un identified) and he stumbled out into the street and shot 2 people, and they shot 2 people, and they shot 2 people, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. Till eventualy every body died. The end.

I'm like not even kidding, this is the end.

there isn't anymore story, no "To be continued" or "See you next time" or "thanks for the bullocks"....... there is nothing left to this tale of intruige and.... um.... stuff.

"That's all folks" would be the only apropriate thing to say right now.

That and maybe "I'm seeing a different blog reader base, and I think we should call it quits before one of us gets hurt."

FREAKING GO HOME ALREADY, OR I'M CALLING THE COPS!

Abandon

(One of my darker poems, looking back, things weren't so bad then.... Originaly posted Oct. 24, 2005)

What do you do when the life raft of faith starts to sink into the dark cold abyss of the world?

When no land is in sight?

When the salvation of a rescue ship, of a friendly hand to lift you out of the black is but a fleeting dream?

When the storm clouds are so thick that you haven't seen light in months?

When the sharks circle, the gulls peck, and all plans to survive have been dashed on jagged rocks of hoplesness?

When you cry out to God for the blood so you don't die of thirst?

When you beg for the body so you don't starve?

And recieve only the howling wind as a response.

Just why did I abandon ship in the first place?

All Q's and no A's

(Originaly posted Oct. 23, 2005)

Smartest questions ever asked:

1) Is there a fourth of July in England?

2)How many birthdays does the average man have?

4) How many outs in an inning?

5) Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widows sister?

6) Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. what is the answer?

7) If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?

8) A doctor gives you 3 pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?

9) A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?

10) How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

11) How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?

And one more for extra credit: Three room mates decided to order a pizza. So they called up a pizza place and orderd an extra large pizza. When it arrived the total was $30. Each room mate chipped in $10. When the delivery driver got back to the pizza joint his boss said "we charged them too much, take $5 back". On the way back the delivery driver said "those guys never did tip me, I'm gonna keep $2 and only give them $1 each back." That means that the room mates ended up paying only $9 each for the pizza. Now if there's 3 room mates and 3x9=27, and the driver kept $2, and 2 27=29, then where did the extra dollar go?

"Because I'm tired of the world and the world is evidentally tired of me."

"Because it's all logic and reason now. Science, progress, laws of hydraulics, laws of social dynamics, laws of this, that, and the other. No place for three-legged cyclops in the South Seas. No place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine. No place for me." -Hieronymus Karl Frederick Baron von Munchausen (yea, thats his real name)

Originaly posted numerous times...

Wizard of Oz: "As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."
Tin Woodsman: "But I still want one."

C'mon, the original Data, or IRobot, or 2001, a creature that is not human (anymore) but wants emotions. Still a great line.

This one was a trip... What my life might have been...

(Originaly Posted July 18, 2005.... Crazy how much can change in 4 years...)

Almost forgot, I get to test for the position of Dispatcher/Clerk on the 26th!!! I'm totaly stoked about this! I mean not just cause it pays $3100.00 a month, but also because I get to work on the hilltop! Oh and full medical and partial dental are nice too :)

First post on myspace blog, wow.... Almost half a decade ago...

(Originaly posted July 18, 2005!)

7:07 p.m. PST, And I'm stuck in the office again on another special event. These rich people just drink and party and don't even give a hoot about just how many people have to be trapped at work till 1 a.m.!!!! So what though, I'm getting paid well enough, just not well enough to deal with their b.s.! If this isn't bad enough, my trucks U Joints broke apart on my way in this afternoon, one more freaking thing I have to pay to get fixed. Sometimes I feel like someone up there is reaaaaaaly testing me! Good news though, at the end of the month I get to go to Spirit West Coast, and I finaly will get to work a 9 to 5 job, instead of a 4 to 1 am job. Hmmm.... wonder if there's gonna be another ARG involving a bungie game anytime soon.....

A new blog, yay...

Ok, so here's the score, nobody is on Myspace anymore, and all my stuff is on it. Facebook dosen't have a blog function, sooooo... Everything I've ever written on Myspace is going to be posted to this site.