"HOLY CRIP HE'S A CRAPPLE!" -Peter Griffin

Wow! 2 fans! YAY! Thank you gals! I'm amazed anyone even wants to read this old crap. Buuuuuuut it is interesting going back and read how much life has changed since that first blog post almost half a decade ago. Warning to the two people who are following this blog, the next post is going to be very, very, very long. Its a collection of stuff I wrote about growing up in Cayucos that I just threw into one giant post.

Viva ex purgatorium!

The Death of Captain America (a eulogy)

(Originaly posted April 26, 2007)

[For those of you non-comic types (or those of you who have been on mars the last 6 months, in a cave, under a rock, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears), this will come as a shock.]

Captain America, the name conjures up images of a simpler time. A time when our nation was united againts a common, tangable enemy. We knew we were on the side of right, and the Nazis, Communists, Imperial Japan, whomever we were at war with, was the embodyment of evil. Superman was the son of Krypton, Namor (or Aquaman, whomever you like better) the son of Atlantis, but Captain America was the son of America. Our only begoten offspring that stood for everything we strive to be. Generous, yet stallwart, caring, yet strong, able to over come any obstical in his way, without sacrificing his morals.

Yet as our nation changed, Captain America struggled to remain the same. He was literaly a relic from another time, a weapon that had out lived its usefulness. By the time the 70's and 80's rolled around, he had been "replaced" by much flashier heroes such as the X-Men, and Spiderman. Heroes who were looked upon as more "human" . Not because they physicaly were, but because they had problems, issues in their life.

By the time of the events of Civil War, the Cap had become a much darker, almost down trodden hero. No longer fully trusting the nation he served, or the people he worked for. Many would, and still do, argue about who was in the right. But for Cap, the choice was clear, continue following a system he no longer believed in, or take a stand for what he knew in his heart to be the just cause.

However, by the time the cataclysmic battle in New York was fought, every hero had become so polarized that they no longer rememberd why they were fighting in the first place, to protect us. In the end, the true heroes were the people of the city, who managed to restrain Captain America, and show him what the true cost of this war was. Once he took the time to glimps the ruins of the city that both sides had devistated, he did the right thing and surrenderd. In his own words "We were winning everything, except the argument." He surrenderd to police, not as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers.

On the way to his arraignment, Steve Rogers was gunned down in cold blood on the steps of the Federal Court House in New York. For over 60 years, more than any other hero, Captain America stood for the nation we all strive to be. Though it was said by Ben Parker, it was lived to its fullest I believe by Steve Rogers: "With great power, comes great responsability."

Captain America (1941-2007)

The end (an old ending that I probably will never use)

(Originaly posted Jan 29, 2007)

I came up with a great ending to my "project", now I only need to fill the middle.

Last Thursday I walked out to the end of the pier in Cayucos. I watched the sun sink into the pacific, and turn a cloudless blue sky purple as the first stars blinked on. I watched the water burn with a golden fire that made me think I was sitting in heaven hearing a choir of angles singing. It reminded me of driving across the plains of Kansas and marveling at a thunderstorm rolling over the endless seas of grass, like some great heard of mustangs running wild across the prairie. Or of sitting with my back against the sandstone in Utah, watching the sun rise up and bathe the desert in a warm orange glow. Of trekking with my father up some unnamed peak on the southern slopes of the Sierra Nevada, breathing in the coldest, freshest air that's ever filled my lungs. Or wading out in the warm waters off Hawaii, petting a sea turtle as it swam around my feet wondering what this strange creature was that just entered its world. But most of all it made me think of all the times I've loved someone and just never said anything, and it made me wonder why in the hell I never told them.

I'd like to tell you that I got the girl in the end, or that I drove off into the sunset, that I found a cure for cancer, or that I preformed CPR and saved someone's life. I'd like to tell you that, but that shit just isn't the case. Truth is I'm the same man I've always been, and probably always will be. But I'm all right with that.

And so, after 25 years, I'm still in this same hole-in-the-wall county, down and out. In high school the guidance counselor asked me the same question that everyone gets asked "what do you want to do?" I never had an answer, well at least not one that fit into the box of "I want to be a doctor." Or "I want to be a teacher." Or "I want to work on cars." My answer was, and still is "I want to create." It took me 7 years to realize exactly what I wanted to create, not some priceless piece of artwork, or the great American novel, or an academy award-winning movie. Only something that someone whom I've never even met will read, will experience and maybe it will change them. It will make them feel something that, until that moment, they've never felt before.


For whatever reason, after thinking all of that, I thought of home. Not of the house on Hacienda that I grew up in, or of the apartment in Morro Bay that was my first expedition into being out on my own. Or even of the futon I currently lay my weary head down on at the end of the day. I realized that none of these places I could call home, that home wasn't built of brick and mortar, but of flesh and blood. That it's a place that I carry with me in my heart. A place I can look back on with fond memories, enjoy while I'm in the moment, and look forward to as I move into the uncharted lands of the future.

The End.

Dedicated to (in no particular order): Dave's musical talent, Frazier's oddly magnetic apathy, Annie's unconquerable spirit, Brieatle for being Brie, Josh's loyalty, Greg's resourcefulness, Lisa's ability to make me feel better, Amanda's AFI collection, Ernie's tenacity, Dan and Kari who make me believe that marriage can work, Whipple's outgoingness, Coy's steadfastness, Rochelle's laughter, Kat's smile, Nate's…. well being Nate is the only way I can describe it, Cecily's just good nature, Kasady's argumentivness, Katie and Ian who have the strangest fights I've ever heard of, Konner who gets picked on way too much, Dan's ability to drink like a fish, Kyle for putting up w/ my smelly ass during OGN, Annie because Burritos do equal Happiness, Sara up north who I still can't figure out, Sara down south for letting me crash at her house after many a senseless trip down there, Hank I hope things are work'n out up north, Lacy and her goal of "getting me laid", Frankie cause he has the cooooooolest tattoo I've ever seen, Hannah who wants ketchup on her hash browns? Best wishes to Adam and the fam, Mikayla stay warm way up there, All the Kinney's, Kendra's kindness, Tom and Julie who pretty much shaped me spiritually, Marcus and Astor the two coolest kids in school, Gebiva god knows why she would willingly move to Cambria, my Grandma Glenda who shaped the hippie in me, my Grandpa Wayne who shaped the badass in me, my Grandpa Gene and Grandma Ruth who taught me everything I ever needed to know about life (I miss you guys soooooo much), Rebecca's just magnetic personality, Jennie and the advice she gave me at in-n-out, Royce who could kick my ass at BF2142 any day of the week, Jamen and Jodie who made the campground the Rock'n-est kiosk on the planet, Kyle and Christa (check out their band Fly40, or I'll hunt you down like the dog you are!), O.S.L. (check that band out too, same threat applies), Jeff and Laura two of the best softball players on the planet, My parents who I never appreciated growing up and I'm sorry for that, and 1:53am for being waaaaaay to late to try and write a blog. (Sorry if I left anyone out or misspelled your name, but that just means that you are a horrible friend and have to work harder, MUAHAHAHAHA:)